Vortex of Crap characters
The Vortex of Crap Complete Character Listing with Descriptions Vortex of Crap has many fictional characters artists and signees have made up. Here is a list, including whether or not the characters are currently deceased in the story line. Key: ARTIST: this character produces on Vortex of Crap VILLAIN: This character is the rival of one or more characters on Vortex of Crap DECEASED: This character has died in the storyline FIRED: This character was fired from Vortex of Crap IMPORTANT TO STORY: This character is important, but is neither artist nor villain. "ARTIST": This character "produces" "music" on vortex of crap A FUCKING IDIOT: This character is a fucking idiot. UNIMPORTANT: This character appeared on one track and is not important to the story. IMPORTANT CHARACTERS These are characters important to the storyline, either as artists on VoC or their rivals. *Michael Dicksense (ARTIST) Michael Dicksense is a Caucasian man born to Dick "Dick" and Porkfister Dicksense, who spent his life in a giant box of kleenex brand tissues in the united kingdom, before brexiting his home in search of the platinum arse, as well as producing music as Vortex of Crap. He co-runs the Vortex of Crap label and page with Genius Incredible, and his sworn enemy is Zorro. *Genius Incredible (ARTIST) Genius Incredible is the world's most fanciest, most sophisticated individual in all history. He lives in a 16 story manor and has over seven hundred servants, all who recieve 500x the minimum wage due to how amazing and kind of a person Genius Incredible is. Genius Incredible's real name is Genius Incredible. He co-founded Vortex of Crap with Michael Dicksense and releases all his music under his own name. His music is god-like, and to witness it is to be witness to the most genius, incredible art in existance. He is currently on adventures with his close friend Wan Cock, and has defeated the likes of Sparky Willy, James Bond and One Punch Man. *Callum Mingeman ("ARTIST") Callum Mingeman is a diabetes ridden fat little shit with a nose the size of Saturn. He can't make music and as a result summons Satan to make his music for him, however Satan only makes music when his inspiration hits, and his inspiration only hits when he acquires a new thing. * Brian Vagina (ARTIST) Brian Vagina, of "Uncle Jesse & The Rippers" fame, is a solo artist who is currently in search of his missing Autism. He has produced many Vortex of Crap classics, including the critically acclaimed shitcore darling "Talent: The Album" * Zorro (VILLAIN) Zorro is the villain behind most of the wrong doings posed upon Vortex of Crap and it's members. There is no end to his sickening acts of crime, but his most notorious and unspeakable act was deleting Vortex of Crap's bandcamp page, causing The Great Deletion of September 2016. However, with this attack, he also made himself known, a big mistake, as VoC members are always on the lookout for him. His base is located in Inaccessible Island. *Chuckleberry Flatulant Dickmuncher (DECEASED) (VILLAIN) Chuckleberry Flatulant Dickmuncher is the pope of the bread cult and hired hitman who was trying to find the Platinum Arse to use against Michael Dicksense. He died during the Great Deletion of September 2016 after he was arrested as a suspect, due to intense interrogation, the act of which led to the discovery that he was hired by Zorro. *Satan (ARTIST BY PROXY) Satan is the leader of hell and possesses the power of the itch of the century. He likes to flirt with girls who have good sense in fashion. He was employed by Callum Mingeman to make the most evil sounding music possible, however Satan isn't a very evil chap, he just has a hoarding problem, hencewhy he's always making songs about getting new things. He also once punched a man, giving him the ooch of the century (ooch is scottish for ouch, the man he hit was a scotsman) *The Third Vagina (ARTIST) The Third Vagina is a mutated homosexual iPhone who malfunctioned and began sending music to Vortex of Crap. They send a text once a year to Dicksense with an album attached. * YUNG MINCCINO (ARTIST) info * Jackie Choodles (ARTIST) (POSSIBLY DECEASED) info *The five mystical presidents (ARTISTS) (FIRED) The Five Mystical Presidents are a group of permanently 14 year old boys who live in box forts painted white that they call the white houses. They were fired after it turned out one of them was The ObamA. *The Mysterious Git (IMPORTANT TO STORY) The Git is the author of the diaries that are said to be the answer to the question of the knowledge of the whereabouts of the location of the Platinum Arse. After the location of all 4 by Dicksense, they revealed to him map coordinates that led to Inaccessible Island, the HQ of Zorro. * Man Who Has Hurt Knee Esquire ("ARTIST") A gentlemen who is currently residing in hospital after injuring his knee. Not to be confused with Sir Hurt His Knee Esquire, a fictional character who is confirmed to be non-existent in every way possible. *Wan Cock (IMPORTANT TO STORY) Wan Cock is a chinese person who's cock is good at fashion. Genius Incredible recieved his suit from him and it was of Genius Incredible quality, so Genius Incredible made an album about his escapades with the Fat Controller and about his skills with singing and fiddling. Wan Cock's history is a mystery, however the Warrel Philliams who come from the darkened woods of niggerville seem to know a thing or two about Wan's true intentions. His last sighting was when he gained an addiction to sausages and attempted to get Father Anguish to perform an exorcism, via sausage proxy. * Father Anguish ("ARTIST") he a priest :) *Tryhard (A FUCKING IDIOT) One day, Michael Dicksense and Genius Incredible were on a strange new planet called "Tumblr". There they met the Tryhard, an idiot who kept asking for Michael's age politely and asked if he was kidding him. *Yellow Moon ("ARTIST") Yellow Moon is a fucking autistic piece of shit who was part of the abortion collective before he left it because nobody fucking likes him and also I WISH HE WAS FUCKING DEAAAD AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH He posseses the power of time travel and travels back to september 11 2001 whenever he wants to release an album. * Poomp'st've'll Pantysniff (ARTIST) (VILLAIN) Poomp'st've'll Pantysniff is a dirty old man who sneaks into VoC Skype calls and records them. He uses these recordings as the basis of his albums. He resides somewhere in London with his henchman, Giuseppe, but uses VPNs to disguise his identity online. * Giuseppe (VILLAIN) Giuseppe is Poomp'st've'll Pantysniff's loyal henchman, as well as using his immense hacking talents to help the Poomp'st've'll, he also hacks text conversations to put his name in place of random words. Be very careful or you may fall victim to his nefarious GIUSEPPE. *Fantastic Good (ARTIST) Fantastic Good is a stock businessman created in the city of Mediocre, located on Planet Impotence. He was banished for being useful and potent, as he possessed the ability to not only have sex properly, but to have the innate six sense, letting everyone know where their missing thing was. He crash landed in the middle of * Boypussy Athiest/Ishmael Bebop (DECEASED) ("ARTIST") Ishmael Bebop is a mysterious man from Croatia who released music under the alias Boypussy Atheist before re-branding under his birth name of Ishmael Bebop. He is currently on indefinite hiatus because he ran out of weed. Then I killed him and saved the day. * BUN (ARTIST) BUN (short for Bunnibelle) is a purple/pink stickman with a large bun on her head and two guns which seem to be permamently stuck to her. Joining around 2015, she resides in the headquarters continuously making unfunny puns. After a brief hiatus from October 2016, she returned unfortunately. * burger bun ("ARTIST") ("DECEASED") A singular burger bun that was purchased from the local Tescos to replace BUN when she left. When BUN returned, she ate the now stale bun and ended it's existence. However, she didn't know that the burger buns still exist, as it was actually a 6 pack. *Benis (ARTIST) (VILLAIN) Benis is a deformed bear creature with a strange illness that causes him to have a cold but only while he's typing because he sounds fine when "rapping." * Professor Buddingsquarks (ARTIST) ("DECEASED") Professor Buddingsquarks is a lad of 14 years old, born in 1932. He fell into a cryogenic sleeping chamber where he was frozen in warburtons bread for several decades, before being discovered again. He writes songs on the guitar alongside his wife, Lady Assbash. He was recently killed by an unknown assailant, however still manages to release music against his will despite being dead. The murderer has recently been rumoured to have been none other than notorious terrorist and mischief maker, Zorro. * Hte Poop Group ("ARTISTS") The Poop Group are a large Italian family who are probably some of the most retarded people imaginable. The full list of members are as follows: Antonio, Diovercci, Componentio, Whensa Your Dolmio Day, Sirius Black, Dadmium, 1 pence coin, Brexit Billy, Ninetails The Fox x3, o3o, an actual dead guy, corpse fucker 3,000, literally a pair of curtains, bob's your uncle, uncle bob, rennie's peppermint heartburn tablets, michael dicksense's #1 fan!, literally bratty and catty from undertale, the don, big D, big S, big dong, the inventor of islam, nonon jakuzure, super mario run me the fuck over, cameltoe and bemsmiggle poo fuk. Whenever someone in the Vortex of Crap skype chat replies to a stupid comment with "new vortex of crap character", but doesn't actually use it, that character is also added to hte poop group. * Le Abortion Le Rape (ARTIST) Le Abortion Le Rape is a 12 year old internet rapper who spends too much time on /pol/. After the release of his controversial album White Christmas, he was apprehended by his mom who gave him The Spanking of a Lifetime. His current wherabouts are unknown, but it is suspected that he is working on his third album, LE RAPE TAPE. * Man (ARTIST) Man is a very important business man who worked at a very important business company before it was revealed that he was embezzling money so The Boss Man fired him. * Stinky Dinky ("ARTIST") Stinky Dinky is an alias used by every member of Vortex of Crap. Once a year an event called the Stinkypocalypse happens, wherein the members of VoC dawn the masks of Stinky Dinky and commit petty crimes while making terrible albums. When the event has finished, the albums are released to Vortex of Crap in the morning. An optional game is played where the members of VoC attempt to guess who made which album.